Three sets of birds. One family is responsible. One is under-responsible. And, one family is over-responsible.

I got three sets of birds here.

Family One

With set number one, the daddy and mama bird bring up a couple of worms to the baby birds. A couple of grasshoppers, and a couple of crickets.

The daddy bird. He's at the bar drinking a lot. And the mama bird, she's off playing a lot.

The babies aren't getting all they need to develop well.

These parent birds push the baby birds out too early.

Some of them get broken wings. Some of them get hurt so bad that they never really fly.

That's family number one.

Family Two

Now, family number two.

The mama bird says, "Son, it's time for you to be pushed out of the nest."

"But I'm scared, Mamma."

"It's okay. Now watch your daddy fly. He's going to show you how easy and natural it is for you to fly. Watch what he does. See. You're now strong enough. We've been bringing you grasshoppers and crickets and worms. You've got all your feathers. You're not too fat yet. You're strong. Now see how daddy flaps his wings and how he lands. And see, we built our nest very high up here on the top of the tree. So you have a lot of distance because when we push you out, you're going to start to fall. But don't worry, because we put some grass down there and some hay. Even if you do fall, you're not going to get hurt. And we're not going to push you out if there are predators like hawks above us or cats below. We're only gonna push you out when it's safe. But as you start to fall, put your belly down and flap your wings and trust us. Watch how daddy does it and then watch how he comes and lands. I want you to do just what daddy does."

Daddy bird says, "Okay, so watch me go. Are you ready, son?"

The young bird excitedly says, "I'm ready."

And they push him out of the nest.

That's bird family number two.

Family Three

Now bird family number three.

The daddy bird says, "Shouldn't we push these baby birds out of the nest by now? They're getting pretty big."

And momma bird says, "No! They're still so young. There's so much danger out there. Just go get these babies some more worms. Go get him some more crickets. Don't be so mean."

The daddy bird says, "Okay," and he goes and gets more and more, and he feeds them and they feed them and they won't push them out.

The mamma doesn't trust they can make it. She thinks they can't fly. They might fall.

She says, "What if they get hurt?"

She's so scared for them.

So, they keep getting fatter and fatter. They get so fat. They get too fat so that they can't even fly.

And these baby birds get so demanding, demanding, demanding. They want more and more food. And they're hungry and they're fat.

And the daddy bird gets sick and tired of feeding them and listening to their demands. He just wants to go to the bar and not come home.

And the momma bird is getting skin rashes. She's losing her feathers because of all the stress. And they're all unhappy.

The baby just continues getting more and more demanding.

Which Daddy and Mommy Birds are Responsible?

Now, one set of these birds are responsible parents. One set of these parent birds are under-responsible. And one set of these pappa and mama birds are over-responsible.

Which are under-responsible?

It's family one.

Which are responsible?

Family number two.

Which parents are over-responsible?

Number three.

The Over-Responsible Daddy and Mommy Birds Create Under-Responsible Baby Birds

Now, what happens to the baby birds of the over-responsible family?

Do they become over-responsible too, responsible, or under-responsible?

Under responsible.

Those under responsible birds are having trouble. So their friends say, "Hey, I got a coach. He coaches birds. His name's Dale. Call my coach. He's a bird coach."

They call Dale the bird coach.

Coaching the Big Fat Baby Birds

The babies say, "My dad and mom never feed us that much. They are so mean to us. Dad is always at the bar. And they never taught us how to fly and we're miserable."

I tell the baby birds, "You are right. Your parents were over-responsible. They crossed boundaries. They did things for you. They did too much. And now you're under responsible.

They say, "I am?"

"Yes. You are under-responsible so you're making excuses and you're blaming and you're not flying. You're under responsible."

See, anytime you blame and complain. And you think you're a victim, you're under responsible. You got to grow up.

Coaching the Over-Responsible Parent Birds

Now the parents ask me to coach their baby birds.

I say, "Only if I coach you first"

They ask why.

I say, "It's because you're half the problem. I coach you first, then I'll coach your baby birds if you want me to."

They say, "Okay, coach me."

And I say, "Okay, Daddy bird and mama bird, see you're over-responsible. Who do you think you are? You are making these baby birds powerless. You're moving them out of their power. They have no personal power. They're victims. They blame everybody but themselves. They take no responsibility because you've been taking the responsibility for them. Stop it."

"Well, what do we do now?"

What to Do

"What do you think you do?"

The daddy says, "Let's just push them out of the nest."

And mama bird looks at me and asks, "Is that what we do?"

I say, "No, no. Are you kidding? They're so fat, they'll fall straight to the ground. They would die. They wouldn't make it."

They ask again, "Then what do we do?"

I say, "Well, what do you think you're gonna do?"

What do you think? What would you suggest? What do you think I'm going to tell them to do with those baby birds?

Don't feed them as much.

How about don't feed them at all?

What? Stop feeding them? Won't they die?

No, they got a bunch of fat on their body. They're not going to die unless all that fat is gone.

It's Not Going to be Easy Helping Big Fat Under-Responsible Babies to Grow Up

I say to them, "But I'm going to tell you something. They're going to pretend like they're dying. They're going to act like they are going to die and they're going to be really, really mad. And they're going to squawk and they're going to, they're going to curse you out and they're going to they are going to blame you.

And, they're going to vandalize the nest. And, they're going to be pooping all over the place. And they're going to be so mad at you because you're not feeding them because you know they have to lose weight. They got to lose weight and you're gonna have to take this heat. Now, Daddy, Mommy, are you strong enough? Are you balanced? Do you care about them? Do you love them enough? Because they're going to be abusive. They're going to be angry. They're going to complain. They're going to pick you, they're going to be mad. Because they're under responsible, they're demanding. And they're going to be mean, can you take it? Because if you don't, they're gonna die. They're never gonna learn how to fly. And you're going to be pushed out of the nest. You're going to want to fly away to get away from them and then they're gonna die up there. Do you love them?"

"Yes, we do."

"Then you got to stop feeding them."

They say, "Okay."

And sure enough, it all happens. They finally lose weight. And then they push them out of the nest, and they finally fly.